STEPPING BACK , 
from "The Mammoth Book of Time Travel Romance, RUNNING PRESS, OCTOBER 2009

ISBN-13: 978-0762437818

Excerpt

1905

She lifted her long skirt away from her riding boots with one hand, and stepped up onto the mounting block.  Her horse waited patiently as she settled herself on the sidesaddle. 

Helen glanced up at the sky.   

It would be a fine day, one of those crisp, clear autumn days, perfect for riding.  And she desperately needed to clear her head, to decide what she was going to do.  What had seemed impossible only weeks ago was now dangerous reality. 

She could not remain here.

But if she was to save herself then she must plan carefully, she must choose her moment, and she must not make any mistakes. 

She set off at a slow trot along the lane that passed between the paddocks, soon increasing to a gallop.  The chill wind whipped away any lingering doubts, crystallizing her determination. 

“Tomorrow we will leave this place,” she told her horse. “Tomorrow we will go.”      

2010

Sunrise turned the dry, brown land gold and for a moment there was beauty in the valley.  Claire sipped her coffee and squinted her eyes against the light, watching as the shifting sun touched the roof of Niall McEwen’s homestead.  Now that the water in the reservoir was so low, the old homestead was completely exposed, although still unreachable.  A deep moat kept the curious at bay.

          Claire hadn’t slept at all well.  Once she used to fall into darkness every night, her dreams barely more than a surface ripple.  Now instead there were vivid images in her head, nightmares, sending her tossing and turning, struggling upward to wakefulness.  And wondering if they really were just dreams, or memories of the past she couldn’t remember.

          Last night, as she forced back the smothering folds of sleep, the usual doubts crowding about her, Claire had heard the dog barking.  Sharp jarring barks that had her peering from the windows.  The sound was coming from the reservoir, but just as she thought she had pinpointed it, the barking moved on.  And then vanished altogether.

          Claire had not felt this unsettled since she woke up in hospital four years ago.  That had been like being reborn, painfully.  Apart from the physical injuries, there had been no identification on her and she could not remember who she was or where she had come from.  One of the doctors had a daughter called Claire and so the patient had become known as Claire too, and Claire she remained.

          Claire tried not to think about the past.  The hospital seemed to think that some trauma had befallen her and her previous life had been stolen—severed like a falling climber’s rope—so there was no point in longing for it.  Either it would return when it was ready, or it wouldn’t.

          Besides, this was her home now, she told herself firmly.  The house above the reservoir and the newspaper where she worked and her friend Gabe.  Before didn’t matter.

          Now, as though to underscore the point, Claire stood up and tipped the remains of her coffee over the verandah railing onto the long suffering roses.

          The drought had been going forever and most of her garden was dead, but the roses persisted.  Maybe it was their morning dose of caffeine that did it, she thought, with a smile.

          She lifted her face and allowed the sun to bathe it.  The air was already hot and dry, taking all the moisture.  Summer was stretching into autumn and there was still no sign of a let up.  After five years of drought people were beginning to wonder if it would ever rain again.  The town had been carting in water for months, and the reservoir was down to puddles.  Unheard of in living memory.

          Again, Claire narrowed her eyes at the view in front of her, and reminded herself she should take some photos for the Bugle—the local newspaper and her employer.  The homestead had not been visible like this since the valley was first flooded in 1910.  Some years it had come close, but this was by far the most exposed it had ever been. 

Every morning, sitting on her verandah, looking out over the reservoir, every morning watching the waters recede, as the homestead slowly revealed its secrets.

          She’d begun to dread stepping out of her house.  There was a curious sensation in her stomach, a tangled skein of fear and longing, that made no sense.  And as the waters receded the nightmares had definitely got worse.

          Now it felt as if she was waiting.  As if each passing day was another day ticked off on her way to . . . something.

          But if she was waiting, she didn’t understand why.

          Or maybe it was simply that she couldn’t remember.

The waiting seemed endless as the evening dragged on.  All she wanted to do was go to bed and lie there, awaiting midnight.  And then he made some excuse to come into her private parlor, eyes everywhere, threatening her by his very presence. 

          “You’re mine,” he said.  “I don’t care what anyone else thinks, we both know the truth.”

          “Go away.”  And then, her voice shaking, “Please.”

          He smiled then, knowing he had her measure.  But he didn’t know about her plan, and thank God for it.  Because if he knew then he’d stop her.  She wouldn’t put any evil past him.  And he’d already told her that if he couldn’t have her then no one could.

Work was much the same as it always was.  Today it was Claire’s job to write up the sport section.  It was Gabe’s newspaper now, but it used to be his grandfather’s, and everything was still done in the same old-fashioned way. 

“Professional, as always,” Gabe said, when he read her piece.  “Thank you, Claire.”

He allowed his gaze to rest on her a moment, blue and intent, and as usual Claire felt as if he could see much more than the tired circles under her eyes.  Gabe was her savior—he had found her bruised body and driven her to the hospital—and when she was well enough, he’d given her a job and helped her relearn the myriad details of life she’d forgotten.  For a time she’d felt like a stranger in a strange land, surrounded by the terrifyingly unfamiliar.

“Will you come to dinner tonight?” she said, surprising herself.

He smiled.  “I’d love to.  Any special reason?”

Just to say thank-you, she thought, but didn’t say it.  Gabe didn’t want her gratitude, he’d told her often enough.  What did he want, then?  Her love?  She thought she might be in love him but Claire knew that somewhere in her past love had been a threat to her life and she found it difficult to trust anyone.  And Gabe didn’t pressure her in any way.  He was willing to wait.